si taglia con una putrella

mantova, convegno degli agenti di viaggio delle filiali ddm. in riva al lago inferiore, sotto la pioggia battente, camuffati da allegri gitanti sorpresi dalla pioggia.
potrei godere di tortelli di zucca e stracotto d’asino. invece la nostra organizzazione ha previsto del gustoso jambonet. sulla scatoletta di latta sono raffigurate morbide fette rosa di carne pressata, adagiate su un fresco letto di insalata, pomodori e peperoni gialli. l’apertura del coperchio è facilitata dalla presenza di figure esplicative tratte dall’iscrizione di una tomba egizia. riesco a forzare l’oggetto e ai miei occhi si rivela un panetto di colore rosato che emana un odore vagamente suino. con una forchetta di plastica tento di violare il prezioso contenuto della scatoletta ma la consistenza argillosa dell’alimento mi dissuade dal continuare.
verifico gli ingredienti, forse strutto e polvere di laterizio. in ordine di comparizione: carne bovine, grasso suino, carne suine, farine ricavate da una decina di sostanze differenti – dal riso alla pietra pomice – e una lunga serie di sconosciuti attori secondari. comprendo la presenza della farina e la sua mera funzione strutturale – una gelatina informe non invoglia nessuno – ma devo ammettere che, nell’elenco, la precedenza del grasso nei confronti della carne suina è inquietante. per non parlare di conservanti e stabilizzatori vari, probabilmente indispensabili nel rendere stabile e duratura una sostanza che andrebbe in putrefazione pochi secondi dopo essere stata prodotta.
non resisto alla curiosità e assaggio un frammento della prelibatezza. si percepisce solo il sapore salato del glutammato monosodico. insisto per amore della scienza e ingoio una forchettata. sento ancora e soltanto un gusto fortemente salato ma subito dopo una fastidiosa occlusione tra gola e stomaco mi fa pentire della mia avventatezza. trascorro la sera e poi la notte bevendo litri di acqua nel vano tentativo di sturare l’esofago.
hanno perfino scomodato un umorista per ideare il sottotitolo paté di prosciutto. questo dettaglio mi fa venire il dubbio che la massima quantità assimilabile (o tollerabile?) dall’organismo sia un velo di jambonet spalmato su un crostino. magari ad una sola scatoletta corrispondono 800 crostini e io ne ho assunto una dose letale.
forse lo tengo, potrebbe tornarmi utile come stucco.

26 thoughts on “si taglia con una putrella

  1. Ma ti sei filmato mentre lo facevi? Ne hai fatto un documentario per condividere le conseguenze di questo tuo esperimento? E’ un’esclusiva per gli agenti ddm o è distribuito liberamente? Mi lasci con troppi interrogativi. 🙂

    Gurb

  2. Fino ad oggi credevo che questo discutibile cemento alimentare fosse acquistato soltanto da quella ignara ed innocente parte di genere umano che nei mesi di giugno e luglio si ritrova a dover fare provviste a basso costo per il campeggio… ma se c’è di mezzo anche la ddm che deve rifocillare gli agenti di viaggio che spedisce ai suoi convegni, allora evidentemente si scioglie anche il mistero della categoria di acquirenti che ne sostiene il mercato.

    Signor Calavera, sarebbe dunque così cortese da darmi l’indirizzo preciso della Sede Centrale, in modo che possa andare a piazzare mezzo chilo di tritolo al posto giusto? Così tagliamo la testa al toro, e la presenza del prodotto torna un’esclusiva degli scaffali dei negozi di bricolage…

  3. eh, la sede centrale è a el midollo, nella terra dei morti.

    non mi risulta che sia arrivato il suo momento, la strada sembra ancora lunga.

  4. Giusto, avevo dimenticato. Be’, in tal caso dovremo proprio rassegnarci al jambonet nei supermercati… ma – magra consolazione! – almeno sapremo con chi prendercela.

  5. La sua costituzione esile, secondo me, la rende sospettabile di bulimia.

    [fermi questo scambio di idee, prima che le sfugga di mano…]

  6. e credo anche che non agisca sempre disinteressatamente.

    non ne viene fuori un gran bel personaggio.

  7. egregio sig. calavera,

    la incontro oggi per la prima volta.

    sono in un certo senso del mestiere nel senso che x lavoro mi occupo di far sborsare soldi a chi (vivo) cerca la morte in vacanza…per noia, sprezzo del pericolo o vattelappesca x quale altro bizzarro motivo…cmq sono affranta nell’osservare che a distanza di 2 anni e più dalla Sua disavventura nel campo del bricolage gastronomico la jambonet è ancora sugli scaffali dei supermercati dei vivi…ma cambiare catering no eh?

  8. Good site agrimfandango.altervista.org. which browser you prefer to use?(ie, firefox or goole chrome)
    health insurance pre existing [url=http://oxycodone.fotopages.com/#gozpchogmb]buy oxycodone online forum[/url] freelancers health insurance new york

  9. Previous Section Next Section CONCLUSIONS ED is a common complication of diabetes that affects patients quality of life.Inammation of cervical nerve roots affecting his shoulder and arm b. [url=http://buyviagraeu.com/#nyjusrq]viagra without prescription.[/url] two drugs cause an effect greater than the sum of each alone syn

  10. In Venetian doctor Giacomo Jacob Pylarini described variolation in Constantinople in an article for the Royal Society. [url=http://buyfurosemideonlineuk.com]where can i buy furosemide in the uk[/url] General characteristicsthere were some early transfusions often from animals.This is the short form health survey that was originally a much longer survey from a study done by the RAND Corporation which identified eight dimensions of health vitality physical functioning bodily pain general health perceptions physical role functioning emotional role functioning social role functioning and mental health.Philadelphia Pa Saunders Elsevier chap [url=http://dapoxetinefast.com]dapoxetine[/url] USE OF OXYGEN DURING EXERCISE TRAINING Patients with normal oxygen tension at rest can show frequent and sometimes severe desaturation during activities of daily living so the prescription of oxygen in rehabilitation is a difficult area.aureus toSensatione. [url=http://edfast-medrx.com]Buy Cialis[/url] ANTAGONIST DRUGS Antagonist drugs including antibiotics also mimic natural body chemicals and fit into receptor sites in the cell.Effective social support during pregnancy may buffer adverse effects of maternal psychological distress on fetal development but the biobehavioral mechanisms of this protective advantage are unclear.D.Simplifications are often necessary to calculate the behavior of systems in the real world. [url=http://shopedrxnewmed.com]best price cialis 20mg[/url] scleroderma Chronic progressive disease of the skin and internal organs with hardening and shrinking of connective tissue.Philadelphia PA Saunders Elsevier chapRepeat ultrasound in days.Prophylactic dosevaries depending on type of product D.His complaints gradually increased as his identication with his father as well as his unconscious hostility toward him increased. [url=http://usfastmed.com]Clomiphene[/url] CrossRefMedlineWeb of ScienceThe functional AR proteins in human CC tissue were characterized by Traish et al.A Esotropia.Amy PalmeiroWinters is the rst female with a prosthetic leg to nish the Badwater a mile race from Badwater in Death Valley to Mount Whitney California.

  11. Support Groups You can often ease the stress of illness by joining a liver disease support group whose members share common experiences and problems. [url=http://compralevitraspain.com]levitra en farmacias[/url] Effective vaccines developed in the th century have made polio relatively uncommon.This contains a premeasured dose of epinephrine EpiPen is one brand name.For pericardial friction rubs aorticmitral regurgitation murmurs and to hear S and S use the diaphragm of the stethoscope.A licensed medical professional should be consulted for diagnosis and treatment of any and all medical conditions.Watch for rash or StevensJohnson syndrome.A yearold female presents to the ED with a complaint of RUQ abdominal pain that began several hours ago. [url=http://buyisotretinoinusfast.com]geniune accutane[/url] Prostate biopsy A needle is inserted into the prostate to take tissue out to check for prostate cancer.Philadelphia PA Lippincott Williams Wilkins Figure.th ed.Symptoms that often occur with autoimmune diseases include Fatigue Fever General illfeeling malaise Exams and Tests The health care provider will do a physical exam.The bers of cardiac muscle are branching bers and are found in the heart. [url=http://buytadalafilcheap.com]healthy man cialis[/url] It deals mainly with the area of Ayurvedic medicine called kayachikitsa body treatment or internal medicine.Nephrotic syndromemost common presentationHemoglobin is the oxygencarrying protein inside red blood cells. [url=http://buytamoxifencitrat.com]tamoxifen[/url] S.Strong association with HLAB of patients see TabletreatmentWear safety glasses when hammering grinding or using power tools.Inject PPD into the volar aspect of forearm.Anticoagulant substances in the blood inhibit blood clotting so clots do not form. [url=http://buysildenafilcanada.com]best on line deals viagra[/url] Assess vital signs.Steroid medicine prednisone may be given if symptoms are severe.tumor mass swellingTotal body water TBW Intracellular of TBW Plasma Extracellular of TBW Interstitial of TBW Venous fluid of plasma of TBW Arterial fluid of plasma

  12. e APPENDIX V COMPLEMENTARY AND ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE TERMS ayurvedic medicine Also known as ayurveda meaning the science veda of life ayuTobacco smoke increases the number of activated PMNs and macrophages inhibits antitrypsin and increases oxidative stress on the lung by free radical production.spinal cord [url=http://femaleviagrabuy.com]online viagra sales india[/url] Sublingual Administration.Outlook Prognosis Persons with an acute HDV infection usually get better over to weeks…Ipsilateral chest pain usually sudden in onset b.D. [url=http://buydapoxetinerxus.com]buy priligy[/url] Family members with an upper respiratory infection should be especially careful around infants.Small ulcers canker sores appeared on Dianes gums.Label Figure as you identify each organ.Was Jenner justified in his work Carrying out hopeful experiments on human subjects without what we today would regard as official permission risk analysis and proper safeguards would now be regarded as unethical and unprofessional.Even leading nextgeneration sequencing platforms are relatively insensitive for mea suring changes in epigenetic proles in nervous system disorders which are often subtle. [url=http://buymisoprostoltabletsonline.com]where to buy misoprostol online[/url] d.Vardenafil in men with stable statin therapy and dyslipidemia.Quick Hit Diagnostic tests for MS helpful hints MRI is abnormal in of MS patients. [url=http://fastshipviagrarx.com]viagra vs cialis[/url] Immune hemolytic anemia occurs when the immune system mistakenly sees your own red blood cells as foreign substances..Unilateral onesided paralysis of the facial nerve.and of the inside fluids are R o and R i respectively.Kuan W.They just have to pick A or B. [url=http://levitrashop.com]levitra 20mg best price[/url] Spongeused by women who have never given birth noneelsevierdirect.B.

  13. and Rome see pp.Sample values of the circuit parameters for both a myelinated and a nonmyelinated axon of radius m are listed in Table [url=http://buytamoxifencitrate1.com]purchase tamoxifen citrate online[/url] They are generally not given in the acute setting.The hematocrit gives the percentage of red blood cells in a volume of blood.Outstanding questions Is dysbiosis a cause or consequence of CAC Recent studies have demonstrated that dysbiosis induces a dysregulated microenvironment which may in turn elicit protu morigenic inflammation.Were a wealthy country and we have a lot of resources. [url=http://prednisonefast.com]buy deltasone[/url] Her examination is positive for suprapubic as well as costovertebral angle tenderness bilaterally.of the study sample.Her son reports that over the past years she has had a significant decline in her memory.Supportive treatment for low blood pressure is usually needed as well.Exertional dyspnea orthopnea PND b.consecutively p [url=http://femaleviagraforsaleonline.com]price for a 100 mg viagra[/url] They secrete a hormone that regulates the calcium levels in blood and tissues.In the UK the Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority HFEA was established in to do this.treatment is an appendectomy usually laparoscopic. [url=http://buyisotretinoin-fast.com]isotretinoin for sale[/url] Parkinsons disease cerebellar disease Wilsons disease ataxia a.J Sex Marital Ther.We encourage him to make good nutritional choices not always easy for a kid and to limit certain foods doughnuts Slurpees candy for special occasions.S.Which tumor is characterized by large numbers of plasma cells bone marrow antibodyproducing cellsFIG. [url=http://antabusefast.com]is disulfiram approved in canada[/url] Risks Complications of cataract surgery are rare.The range is between and percent so it looks to be about half nature and half nurture.in the control group and the difference was significant.

  14. Excellent blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers?
    I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
    Would you suggest starting with a free platform like WordPress or go
    for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I’m completely overwhelmed ..

    Any ideas? Thank you!

  15. Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed!
    Extremely useful info particularly the final section 🙂 I handle such info much.

    I was looking for this certain info for a long time.
    Thanks and good luck.

  16. Great goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you are just too magnificent.
    I really like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you are stating and the way in which you say it.
    You make it entertaining and you still take care of to
    keep it sensible. I cant wait to read far more from you.
    This is actually a wonderful website.

Comments are closed.