oh lady won’t you sell me a mercedes benz

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eviterò di accompagnare ancora il mio assistente, quella mercedes balkan è imbarazzante.
eravamo in auto, parcheggiata sottocasa. accanto a me l’anestesista-rianimatore, in preda ad una crisi di panico, elaborava ad alta voce la migliore strategia per partire. ho sentito anche cunei di legno. il conflitto tra la strada in salita e il freno di stazionamento a pedale appariva insanabile. tre uomini si avvicinano, chiaramente interessati alla nostra presenza, e orbitano lentamente attorno alla mercedes. sembrano osservare o cercare un dettaglio: uno saggia la carrozzeria, un altro verifica i pneumatici, un terzo si piega a terra e controlla il pianale. si riuniscono davanti al cofano e confabulano, scrutando l’interno. mi fissano con incredulità e disprezzo, scuotendo la testa. concluso il consiglio, il portavoce bussa al finestrino dell’anestesista-rianimatore.

– tua auto?
– sì.

rapido sguardo sdegnato nella mia direzione.

– tu vendi auto.
– no.
– noi pagare bene.
– non la vendo.
– no buona per te. noi diamo soldi, tu compri auto giusta per te. fiat panda.
– a me va bene questa.
– no. tu donna.

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  1. Caro Manuel,

    noi Fiat Panda chiamiamo “Belarus 1986”, trattore più piccolo di sua categoria e molto adatto a signorine. Sventuratamente emette pochi fumi, allora qui in PBD “trucchiamo” motore, così da tubo di scarico escono arcivivaci scie chimiche che rallegrano vie cittadine. Certo: anche in piccola Sotto-I-Tigli è parcheggiato un ruggente “Belarus 1986”, con motore Iskra da 1242 cc e clacson “Polifonia”. È quello di tua affezionata amica Miroslava, che ti saluta.

    p.s. cosa è esattamente “freno di stazionamento”?

  2. sono d’accordo, ma a prescindere, che di Balkan conosco solo il tabacco da pipa, e l’automobilina non ho idea di come sia

  4. Freno a mano a pedale…puoi sdraiarti da sedile a sedile senza avere corpo contundente che ti perfora la schiena….!!!

  9. Ma SEI FE-NO-ME-NA-LE tu donna/uomo/cadavere o quello che sei! Ma hai provato a metter di fila una dietro l’altra fitte fitte le storielle e veder cosa ne esce? secondo me con un pò di sforo e se le accatasti per benino ci riescon a stare nel centimetro di spessore di un libercolo da 180-190 paginette…

    Finito l’attacco di frenesiasovrastimatica…davvero, redigere con cura qualcosa di stampabile ed inviabile ad una csa editrice no? Secondo me avrebbe un senso, neanche troppo scontanto, magari con una spolveratina di conginzioni e similia, giusto per favorire la digestione…

  10. Allo sforo manca una z, palese. Come d’altronde ci sarebbe di che ritoccar qualche maiuscola e virgola…

    Ma che diamine! In fondo, non posso far tutto da solo..

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